My Random Stuff

Cake Balls R Yummy!

2009-09-29T16:07:00.000-07:00

2008-05-23T15:16:00.001-07:00

2008-05-09T16:36:00.000-07:00

My TOU

2008-02-22T16:53:00.000-08:00

Please do not claim my WordArt as your own.

These images may not be reproduced for sale or redistributed in any way (including E-Bay and the like) without written permission from the designer.

These files are for PERSONAL USE ONLY.

Contact me at bnbharty@gmail.com with any commercial use inquiries.

Please leave the file names intact.

In all circumstances, do not use these images for obscene, defamatory, immoral works, or any other use prohibited by law.

If you post or sumbit scrapbook pages or other projects on-line or for publication using these images, please give credit to elegant WordArt.

Feel free to modify the images (size, color, etc.) as it suits your layouts or projects. Happy scrapping!

Bethany - http://elegantwordart2.blogspot.com

new blog headings

2007-12-10T16:57:00.000-08:00

How Woman Unknowingly Start Arguments

2007-06-15T14:42:00.001-07:00

The most common way women unknowingly start arguments is by not being direct when they share their feelings. Instead of directly expressing her dislike or disappointment, a woman asks rhetorical questions and unknowingly communicates a message of disapproval. Even though sometimes this is not the message she wants to give it is generally what a man will hear.

For example, when a man is late, a woman may feel "I don't like waiting for you when you are late" or "I was worried that something had happened to you". When he arrives, instead of directly sharing her feelings she askes a rhetorical question like "How could you be so late?" or "What an I supposed to htink when you're so late?" or "Why didn't you call?"

Certainly asking someone "Why didn't you call?" is OK if you are sincerely looking for a valid reason. But when a woman is upset the tone of her voice often reveals that she is not looking for a valid answer but is making the point that there is no acceptable reason for being late.

When a man hears a question like "How could you be so late?" or "Why didn't you call?" he does not hear her feelings but instead hears he disapproval. He feels her intrusive desire to help him be more responsible. He feels attacked and becomes more defensive. She has no idea how painful her disapproval is to him.

Just as women need validation, men need approval. The more a man loves a woman, the more he needs her approval. It is always there in the beginning of a relationship. Either she gives him the message that she approves of him or he feels confident that he can win her approval. In either case the approval is present.

A woman withdrawing that approval is particularly painful to a man. Woman are generally oblivious of how they pull away their approval. And when they do pull it away, they feel very justified in doing so. A reason for this insensitivity is that woman really are unaware of how significant approval is for men.

A woman can, however, learn to disagree with a man's behavior and still approve of who he is. For a man to feel loved he needs her to approve of who he is, even if she disagrees with his behavior. Generally when a woman disagrees with a man's behavior and she wants to change him, she will disapprove of him. Certainly there may be times when she is more approving and less approving of him, but to be disapproving is very painful and hurts him.

Most men are too ashamed to admit how much they need approval. They may go to great lenghts to prove they don't care. But why do they immediatly become cold, distant, and efensive when they lose a woman's approval? Becase not getting what they need hurts.

One of the reasons relationships are so successful in the beginning is that a man is still in a woman's good graces. He is still her knight in shining armor. He receives the blessings of her approval, and as a result, rides high. but as soon as he begins to disappoint her, he falls from grace. He loses her approval. All of a sudden he is cast out into the doghouse.

A man can deal with a woman's disappointment, but when it is expressed with disapproval or rejection he feels wounded by her. Women commonly interrogate a man about his behavior with a disapproving tone. They do this because they think it will teach him a lesson. It does not. It only creates fear and resentment. And gradually he becomes less and less motivated.

To approve of a man is to see the good reasons behind what he does. Even when he is irresponsible or lazy or disrespectful, if she loves him, a woman can find and recognize the goodness within him. To approve is to find the loving intention or the goodness behind the outside behavior.

To treat a man as if he has no good reason for what he does is to hold the approval she so freely gave in the beginning of the relationship. A woman needs to remember that she can still give approval even when she disagrees.

How Men Unknowingly Start Arguments

2007-06-15T14:35:00.001-07:00

The most common way men start arguments is by invalidating a woman's feelings or point of fiew. Men don't realize how much they invalidate.

For example, a man may make light of a woman's negative feelings. He might say "Ah, don't worry about it." to another man this phrase would seem friendly. But to a female intimate partner it is insensitive and hurts.

In another example, a man might try to resolve a woman's upset by saying "It's not such a big deal." Then he offers some practical solution to the problem, expecting her to be relieved and happy. He doesn't understand that she feels invalidated and unsupported. She cannot appreciate his solution until he validates he need to be upset.

A very common example is hen a man has done something to upset a women. His instinct is to make her feel better by explaining why she shouldn't be upset. He confidently explains that he has a perfectly good, logical, and rational reason for what he did. He has no idea that this attitude makes her feel as though she has no right to be upset. When he explains himself, the only message she may hear is that he doesn't care about her feelings.

For her to hear his good reasons, she first needs him to hear her good reasons for being upset. He needs to put his explanations on hold and listen with understanding. When he simply starts to care about her feelings she will start to feel supported.

This change in approach takes practice but can be achieved. Generally, when a woman shares feelings of frustration, disappointment, or worry, every cell in a man's body instinctively reacts with a list of explanations and justifications designed to explain away her upset feelings. A man never intends to make matters worse. His tendency to explain away feelings is just Martian instinct.

By understand that his automatic gut reactions in this instance are counterproductive, a man can, however, make this shift. Through a growing awareness and his experiences of what works with a woman, a man can make this change.

The Secret Reasons Women Argue

2007-06-15T14:21:00.000-07:00

1. The hidden reason she is arguing

I don't like it when he minimizes the importance of my feelings or requests. I feel dismissed and unimportant.

1. What she needs not to argue

She needs to feel validated and cherished. Instead she feels judged and ignored.

2. The hidden reason she is arguing

I don't like it when he forgets to do the things I ask, and then I sound like a nag. I feel like I am begging for his support.

2. What she needs not to argue

She needs to feel respected and remembered. Instead she feels neglected and at the bottom of his list of priorities.

3. The hidden reason she is arguing

I don't like it when he blames me for being upset. I feel like I have t obe perfect to be loved. I am not perfect.

3. What she needs not to argue

She needs him to understand why she is upset and reassure her that she is still loved and that she doesn't have to be perfect. Instead she feels unsafe to be herself.

4. The hidden reason she is arguing

I don't like it when he raises his voice or starts making lists of why he is right. It makes me feel like I am wrong and he doesn't care about my point of view.

4. What she needs not to argue

She needs to feel understood and respected. INstead she feels unheard, bullied, and pushed down.

5. The hidden reason she is arguing

I don't like his condescending attitude when I ask questions about decisions we need to make. It makes me feel like I am a burden or that I am wasting his time.

5. What she needs not to argue

She needs to feel that he cares about her feelings, and respectes her need to gather information. Instead she feels disrespected and unappreciated.

6. The hidden reason she is arguing

I don't like it when he explains why I should not be hurt, worried, angry, or anything else. I feel invalidated and unsupported.

6. What she needs not to argue

She needs to feel validated and understood. Instead she feels unsupported, unloved, and resentful.

7. The hidden reason she is arguing

I don't like it when he expects me to be more detached. It makes me feel like it is wrong or weak to have feelings.

7. What she needs not to argue

She needs to feel respected and cherished, especially when she is sharing her feelings. Instead she feels unsafe and unprotected.

The Secret Reasons Men Argue

2007-06-15T14:01:00.000-07:00

1. Hidden Reasons He is Arguing

I don't like it when she gets upset over the smallest things I do or don't do. I feel criticized, rejected, and unaccepted.

1. What he needs not to Argue

He needs to feel accepted just the way he is. Instead he feels she is trying to improve him.

2. Hidden Reasons He is Arguing

I don't like it when she starts telling me how I should do things. I don't feel admired. Instead I feel like I am being treaded like a child.

2. What he needs not to Argue

He needs to feel admired. Instead he feels put down.

3. Hidden Reasons He is Arguing

I don't like it when she blames me for her unhappiness. I don't feel encouraged to be her knight in shining armor.

3. What he needs not to Argue

He needs to feel encouraged. Instead he feels like giving up.

4. Hidden Reasons He is Arguing

I don't like it when she complains about how much she does or how unappreciated she feels. It makes me feel unappreciated for the things I do for her.

4. What he needs not to Argue

He needs to feel appreciated. Instead he feels blamed, unacknowledged, and powerless.

5. Hidden Reasons He is Arguing

I don't like it when she worries about everything that could go wrong. I don't feel trusted.

5. What he needs not to Argue

He needs to feel trusted and appreciated for his contribution to her security. Instead he feels responsible for her anxiety.

6. Hidden Reasons He is Arguing

I don't like it when she feels hurt by what I say. I feel mistrusted, misunderstood, and pushed away.

6. What he needs not to Argue

He needs to feel accepted and trusted. Instead he feels rejected and unforgiven.

7. Hidden Reasons He is Arguing

I don't like it when she expects me to read her mind. I can't It makes me feel bad or inadequate.

7. What he needs not to Argue

He needs to feel approved of and accepted. Instead he feels like a failure.

Brent's 100 Factoids

2007-05-27T20:01:00.001-07:00

Brent Leander Harty’s Personal History

“100 Factoids About Myself”

26 May 2007

1) I'm in the middle of my 30s - 35 to be exact
2) I have one older brother, four younger brothers, and one younger sister.
3) I've been married for nearly 11 years.
4) I have a daughter who is coming up on 6.
5) I was born in Southeast Missouri, as were five generations of Hartys before me.
6) I have sons who are coming up on 2, 4, 8, and 10.
7) I'm 5’ 11’’ tall.
8) My nose is nearly perfect! I did have a rhinoplasty and deviated septum operation which helped nothing.
9) I started to go gray in my beard at around 34. We’ll never know on my head…I keep it shaved for this express purpose!
10) I have a mole on my right shoulder from a bad sunburn in May of 1984.

11) I'm allergic to cats, but my wife is not.
12) I like to wear shoes on a regular basis, as I don’t like holes in my feet!
13) I had watched each of my children being born.
14) I went to public schools and my children are doing the same.
15) I’ve only had one ‘steady’ girl friend – for the span of one month.
16) I started playing the trombone in the 4^th grade, tuba in 5^th grade, and guitar in my freshman year in college.
17) I have always been a self-motivated person.
18) I got my worst grade ever in college pre-calculus, a 5 hour ‘F’, my first semester in college…ouch!! The sad part of the tale is that I thought I could pull it out to passing. It is also the only course that I ever studied for on a regular basis in college.
19) I inherited my first computer when I was married.
20) I have lived in Missouri (Cape Girardeau, Ste. Genevieve, Hillsboro, Pevely, Imperial), Virginia (Richmond), Illinois (Hillsboro, Taylor Springs, Edwardsville, Carbondale, Champaign, Butler, Joliet), Utah (Provo) Oregon (Florence, North Bend, Springfield)

21) My first job was at the Montgomery County Sheriffs Office as summer maintenance.
22) My shortest job was at a pipe factory in Gillespie. I couldn’t have worked more than a week.
23) I've worked with the Boy Scouts of America since May 1999.
24) I like most aspects of my career, although I am quite tired of my present position.
25) I don’t have a pet, nor do I need one as I have 5 kids! I would love to own a horse, particularly a Lineback Dunn, or even a Clydesdale! I also am a fan of Traveller.
26) If I would choose careers over, besides a BSA executive, I’d like to be in exercise/nutrition. I’d also like to focus more on being a sculptor that does public statuary…that would be my dream job.
27) I played football, basketball, baseball and track in high school. I only lettered in football, and started Varsity football as a sophomore on through. I played defensive end and tight end.
28) I enjoy walking, especially with my wife and letting the kids ride their bikes. It is my favorite exercise.
29) I lost 40 lbs or so in 2001 and have kept it off since.
30) I weight trained for over 15 years. However in late 2006 switched to only doing push ups, crunches and lunges since then.

31) I had hair past my shoulders while in college because I didn’t cut it for over 3 years.
32) I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
33) I started reading my scriptures daily on June 4, 1985 and have hardly missed a day since.
34) I vote Republican, but very often wish there was someone else to vote for!
35) I had my first church calling was in the Deacons Quorum Presidency as a counselor. 36) I support President Bush and the war in Iraq, although it is dragging on way too long. I wonder about the benefit of the war. I wish our troops can be cut loose to do what they REALLY could do. The war would be over in a week.
37) I went to a rally for then candidate Bill Clinton in Vandalia, IL with my Mom.
38) I hold conservative, old fashion views and wish government would leave me and my family alone to enjoy life as best we set it.
39) I have pretty much always worn my seatbelt, although I can be seen not wearing when I first drive away. 40) Black, dark blue and of course, gray are my favorite colors.

41) I don’t spend a lot of time watching TV. It feels like a waste of time to me and generally is used a ‘veg out’ time for me.
42) I don’t watch rated R movies. I don’t want to see the crudity that ensues.
43) My favorite season is Fall.
44) My favorite thing to put on a hot dog is sauerkraut and spicy mustard.
45) My favorite calling was Scoutmaster and Varsity Team Coach.
46) My favorite sport to watch is Cardinal Baseball!
47) My favorite sport to play is tackle football, although I like about any sport where I can use my size and strength to my advantage.
48) My favorite soda is Diet A&W Root Beer. I also like Coke Zero almost as much
49) I say Soda or even soda pop.
50) I rarely get totally lost. I have a good knack for finding my way in the country. I have good directional sense.

51) I eat 2 fried eggs, slightly runny, everyday for breakfast.
52) I take my shirts, slacks and suits to the dry cleaners.
53) I was taught how to do laundry, but would often come home to have my mom do much of my laundry.
54) I’ve never tried cigarettes, and sparingly tried various forms of alcohol when I was in college. I didn’t find much need in it, nor do I see the draw to it.
55) I enjoy sewing my civil war clothes, and making period items, like my wallet, or storage boxes, knife sheaths etc.
56) I like jamming Metallica and Brad Paisley on my guitar when I take the time.
57) I much prefer Coke over Pepsi, and will only drink it when that is all they serve.
58) I like the motto, “Everything has a place and everything in its place.
59) I do well with sports involving eye/hand coordination. I do even better in the sport if it involves body contact!
60) I have a tendency to stay up late. That is when I work on my projects…when all else are asleep so as to have no distractions. In college, I rarely went to bed before 2 am.

61) I have $500,000 in life insurance and am looking to get more soon.
62) I am not squeamish at the sight of blood, but deep, gross wounds give me a funny feeling on the inside.
63) I like to make Indian chokers and other crafts.
64) I do not enjoy most board games. They are built on chance, not on skill, to win.
65) I am a better than average speller.
66) I am often late for events because I try to do too many things in too short of time. I also generally would rather be doing something else.
67) I can’t juggle, nor do I wish to.
68) I often enter the worldwide LDS art competition. So far, I’ve had no luck in it.
69) I like spicy food.
70) I have a plan for a monument to Missouri Cavalry forces in the Confederacy, that will be a relief bronze with the names of the individual regiments on the back, that I hope to do sometime in the future.

71) I like broccoli in most forms, especially when it is well cooked.
72) Peanuts and almonds, and chips and salsa are my weakness I food.
73) I’ve tried actively to eat well for over the last 10 years.
74) I wish that I could multi-task effectively.
75) I don’t mind talking on the phone, although lately I find it a chore.
76) I am developing a very strong interest in American history, particularly the Civil War.
77) I enjoy the Harry Potter books.
78) I like action movies best.
79) I can’t hardly stand commercials when listening to the radio, therefore I often listen to cd’s.
80) I have started blogs based on family history in the last few months.

81) I have been told that I look like I weigh considerably less than I do.
82) I like to share my thoughts when I am upset, and do not do a great job of masking my emotions, although I am often successful in containing them.
83) I am often critical of others, although I very much wish I wasn’t.
84) I have everything on my desk, shelves, drawers and closet in a specific place and can tell if someone moved it.
85) I like to shower everyday.
86) I like to use body powder to keep cool. (at a sutler tent at my last civil war event, I saw Crotch Powder…it made my laugh!)
87) When I drive, I aim to control ‘pockets’ of open spaces in the road. This is a safety feature my Dad taught me. This controlling to the road often facilitates fairly aggressive driving, at least when the traffic is harried.
88) I still claim to be from Southeast Missouri…and always will!
89) I would like to buried in the cemetery in Bloomfield, Stoddard, Missouri where so much of my family is buried.
90) In conversation, when people don’t open up, I find it very frustrating and baffling, as I like to be open and tell someone what I think.

91) I cut my hair with an electric razor twice weekly.
92) I have only twice ever paid for a barber to cut my hair.
93) If I see something I like or feel I can use, I often buy it, making a relatively quick decision to do so, especially if I know it to be a bargain.
94) I like to spend money on things I can keep, not on things that are consumable (like going to the movies for example…rarely do it)
95) I drive a 2003 Saturn Ion coupe…manual transmission…silver…leather seats…I like it a lot, and in fact, ordered it that way new.
96) I have a 1967 Dodge Monaco, 383, that I want to restore someday in the near future.
97) I got my drivers license on my sixteenth birthday with my Dad in Hillsboro, IL.
98) I enjoy kids when they are 3 years old and up the best (although all ages are of course good).
99) I feel very natural driving trucks, and enjoy driving our suburban.
100) I’m good enough, I’m strong enough, and dog-gone it, people like me!